If they text or call you, your stomach doesn’t flip. You don’t immediately grab your phone. You’re even willing to finish what you’re in the middle of doing before seeing what they have to say. That’s because they simply don’t have that hold on you anymore. You could care less why they are reaching out, and you’ll take your damn time answering.
Remember that song that always made you cry because it reminded you of them? Or how you couldn’t watch that TV show because you only ever watched it together? Now those things don’t faze you. They no longer hold the emotional weight that they did during the early stages of your break-up. You will happily sit and watch your shared favorite show or movie without the thought of them even crossing your mind.
There are definitely activities that only you two shared, so it’s difficult not to associate those activities with that person for a while. You have trouble going to your regular brunch spot, you refuse to hike in the same spot you did with them every weekend, etc. But after some time, you will get to the point where partaking in these activities, whether by yourself, with other people, or even with a new beau, is totally fine and painless.
A new job, your sister’s engagement, or any other huge piece of news doesn’t send you running to tell them. Usually this would be just another excuse to reach out, but instead you tell your mom or your best friend or your sibling. Your ex is not in your life anymore, so you don’t feel the need to tell them. It’s as simple as that.
When you wake up, your mind doesn’t instantly go to them. In fact, you can get through a whole entire day without thinking about them at all. It’s funny the change – how they used to be dominating your thoughts and now they’re barely there. But it’s a liberating feeling. You are left to think about what’s important, like doing things for yourself.
When you think back to your relationship with them, you aren’t bitter. This is a very telling sign. If you don’t look back with resentment or anger or even sadness, then you have moved on. If you can actually appreciate what you two shared and recognize that it helped you grow and become a better person, then you’ve made it to the other side.
You aren’t fantasizing about inflicting physical pain to them, taking a sledgehammer to their truck, or sabotaging them in some John Tucker Must Die-esque way. You now care so little that the idea of taking revenge is silly and childish. You don’t hold a grudge against them for the past – in fact you’ve moved on from them to the point where a grudge is just useless weight that you don’t need to carry.
In fact, another sign is that you won’t even think to ask about them. If you run into their friends, you are more interested in how that person is doing than following up about your ex. But when a conversation does come up about how they have a great new job or a new girlfriend or how they love their new apartment, you feel sincere happiness for them. You will say, “That’s great!” and actually mean it.
This is a major sign. You’re at a bar, you spot your ex across the room, his arm is around a new girl and they’re super affectionate and it’s all in your face and he looks very happy and she’s really pretty…. and you’re fine with it. There might be a little pinch somewhere deep inside of you, but it’s immediately shrugged off, you get a drink, and continue with the rest of your night like nothing ever happened. You don’t run up to your friends, immediately feeling the need to bash her and how ugly her outfit is and how you can’t believe he’s moved on already, because that’s beneath you now.
A drunk mind speaks the sober heart, so even if you think you are doing totally fine without them, if you check your phone in the morning and see 27 outgoing calls to them, chances are you are not over them. Even drunk-texting them to say, “I’m over you,” is a telling sign you are not. But when you get to the point when you don’t even think of them after a few cocktails, you’re on the right path to freedom.
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