We’ve all spent our time with a “Ms. Right Now” when we’re looking for someone. It’s not like we’re going to remain celibate while we’re looking around — that’s just what we told grandma.
But love can sneak up on you from anywhere.
Sometimes, totally unexpectedly, you find that someone has found their way from your pants to your heart.
It’s usually such a surprise it can be hard to recognize. Here are some signs that your “your place or mine” relationship is heading towards “our place.”
If you’re just in it for a few laps around the track, you’re going to be on your best behavior. A poorly-timed air biscuit can ruin your reputation in your social circles.
But when you beef between the sheets, and you both laugh until you cry? Call mom and let her know you met someone.
You guys have a quid pro quo booty call arrangement. When her roommate who’s “going through a rough time” shows up, you’ve got other plans. But last time, her roommate came in crying, trying to figure out what her new guy’s Instagram pics meant.
Instead of making up an excuse, you opened a bottle of wine, got comfy, and helped your f*ck buddy therapize.
When you’d rather play tag-team Frazier Crane together rather than Call of Duty alone, start figuring out whose family you’re visiting for Christmas.
If you’re well-showered, coifed, and shaved when you get together, you’re still selling the package. But if she’s giving you a haircut, trimming your body hair, or (you know who you are) popping your zits? You two monkeys just decided to mate for life.
When we first meet someone, they’re a blank canvas we can paint all our fantasies on for the perfect partner. When you realize that she leaves used Q-tips sitting out, maybe she needs to breathe more, she’s not that great a driver, and you’re still charmed … well, you know how that goes.
Will your guests get table service or buffet style?
When we’re with someone new, we do everything to present ourselves as a well-coifed gentleman. Once you go out to dinner and realize you haven’t showered, shaved, and you’re in the shirt you went to sleep in last night … and she’s OK with it? Start designing the ice sculpture.
When we’re just f*cking, every fight is one step closer to “the sex isn’t THAT good.” But when you’re together for real, every fight is just an annoying break before you get back to being totally on.
You know the fight’s going to end with you together, after some pretty good sex. So, will you want cloth or paper napkins?
One time, a girl I wasn’t that into met my dad and talked sh*t about him right off the bat. I was mortified. Needless to say, we didn’t last very long.
My wife has literally licked my father on more than one occasion, and it’s hilarious. I torture her mom regularly, too. When you can make fun of family, you ARE family.
Are those invites going on regular paper or that kind with dried flowers pressed into it?
If it’s just about poking each other’s squishy parts, there’s a barrier between her and your best people. If she sucks, they’ll know how much you’re willing to sacrifice to get some.
But someone you’re in it with? You can’t wait for your people to meet her. Because she’s one of your peeps now.
Have the “not carrot cake” discussion right now.
If you’re just screwing around, when the screwing stops, so does the “around.” This goes without saying. But when you realize that the two of you spent the last three nights binge watching Orange Is The New Black, and no one’s grabbed anyone’s junk?
Can you find a way to invite your Aunt Jenny and NOT your Uncle Jim?
On Halloween, I don’t wear matching costumes with anyone, unless I just can’t say no. So, if I’m wearing the same costume as a woman, we’re either life mates or I’m granting my mom’s last wish. If I’m dressed as Mario with a Luigi, I’m in love.
So, what religion will you raise your kids?
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