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16 Men Try Their Best To Describe What The Female Orgasm Must Feel Lik

16 Men Try Their Best To Describe What The Female Orgasm Must Feel Like

August 19, 2015

via iStockPhoto.com
via iStockPhoto.com

1. “I picture it undulating like a wave machine, but there are waves of pleasure undulating across your whole body. Men just get a few quick spurts, but women get to experience some powerful, slow-motion tsunami that rolls over the whole body. Frankly, I’m jealous.”

— Jason, 18

beetlejuice

2. “I would think it’s much more spiritual, meaningful, soulful, and healing than the male equivalent. Far less messy, too.”

Michael, 21

beetlejuice

3. “It probably feels like ten thousand tiny angels are dancing on their clits, but I wouldn’t know how that feels because I don’t have a clit and all those extra bonus nerve endings that girls received as a gift from Mother Nature. Plus, I’ve never met an angel.”

Christopher, 27

beetlejuice

4. “Sometimes when I’m, you know, ‘alone’ and reach a ‘personal moment of ecstasy,’ I’ll reach down to the taint area between my balls and my asshole. When I’m cumming, I can feel it throbbing. I would guess it kind of feels like that, only you don’t have a dick.”

David, 24

beetlejuice

5. “Well, with the way some of them act, I’d guess it’s much more intense and longer-lasting than a guy’s orgasm. I mean, if a couple gets in trouble, say, for having loud sex at a motel, it’s usually the woman who was doing the screaming, right? So, yes: More Intense, Longer Lasting. Brought to you by the Female Orgasm Ad Council.”

Daniel, 24

beetlejuice

6. “I think it’s exactly like a guy’s orgasm, only with the fluids reversed—with a girl, the fluids come before the orgasm, and with a guy they come right at the point of impact. Then again, I’m not sure I’ve ever made a woman cum, so I’m speculating.”

James, 22

beetlejuice

7. “The genius of the female orgasm is that until we develop the proper low-cost bedside machinery, there is absolutely no proof that it ever occurs. With a guy, there’s a handful of vanilla pudding. There’s a ‘crime scene,’ if you will. With a woman, she could have had a hundred orgasms, but you’d have no way of verifying it. If she’s mean-spirited, she could even deny she ever came once just to hurt your feelings. That happened to me once with a woman. Or at least I think it did. A guy can never be sure. But playing the Devil’s advocate and assuming that female orgasms actually exist, I would think they’re about a million times more powerful than male ones.”

Tad, 21

beetlejuice

8. “I bet it’s exactly like a male orgasm, only there’s no ‘phantom limb’ there. Otherwise, no difference at all.”

John, 21

beetlejuice

9. “The main difference between the female and male orgasm is that it makes a woman want to cuddle, while it makes a man want to fall asleep.”

Robert, 20

beetlejuice

10. “I would guess it feels good, even though some of them sound like they’re in pain. I’m going to sound like a complete and total asshole for saying this, but I’ve never given it much thought.”

Freddie, 27

beetlejuice

11. “It’s kind of like trying to explain what Bigfoot or the Abominable Snowman look like. No one’s ever given photographic evidence of a female orgasm but everyone’s heard about it, so you just kind of have to draw pictures in your head. I would guess it feels like jumping off a 100-foot bridge into an ocean of warm marshmallow sauce.”

Peter, 23

beetlejuice

12. “The male orgasm is a dialup connection using AOL. The female orgasm is a lightning-quick fiberoptic connection that delivers a billion times the electronic payload. What I’m saying is that I’m suspicious that girls get much better orgasms, and I kinda hate them for it.”

— Ralph, 29

beetlejuice

13. “I’m sure it’s not this way, but I kind of imagine it being like a brumski? You know, that’s when some douche shoves his face in between a girl’s boobs and makes a loud, obnoxious ‘BBBBBRRRRRAPPPP’ sound with his mouth? I mean, you can do that with your mouth on your hand and feel how it vibrates and moistens the flesh. But I picture it feeling like a very pleasurable brumski. Or maybe like the most insanely enjoyable fart in world history. Like I said, I’m sure I’m wrong. But pretending is fun.”

Joshua, 31

beetlejuice

giphy14. “I think of it like gyration. It’s this circling motion that becomes more and more intense and pleasureful, but never explodes and ends ends like the cannonball of a male orgasm. It just keeps moving and moving at different paces, different degrees of pleasure.”

— Chris, 29

beetlejuice

15. “I’ll bet it feels cleansing, like the first time I went to confession and had all my sins forgiven. Or like The Wizard of Oz where everything suddenly turns from black and white to color. Or like when Saul of Tarsus was riding the horse in the New Testament and the scales fell from his eyes. Or like in the romance comedies where the girl finds a handwritten note tacked onto her apartment’s front door and she realizes he finally loves her. Shit, I don’t know. Good—I’m sure it feels good.”

John, 27

beetlejuice

16. “What’s weird about the female orgasm to me is that you can’t really pinpoint exactly when it starts or ends. So I think of it as this glowing ball of pure sensational bliss that starts out tiny and builds and builds until that ball, which rolls uphill in my mind for whatever reason, reaches the peak of a beautiful cliff and falls. Every woman I’ve slept with seems to be falling as she climaxes, but in a good way. Falling freely, without any fear.”

— Marty, 24 TC mark


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