1. Your significant other’s moods impact yours so much that you feel anxious overhearing half a phone conversation in which they’re not entirely thrilled because you’re really not up for being upset or annoyed and you sense that you’re about to be, vicariously.
2. When your significant other has a big day ahead, you actually feel as anxious as they do leading up to it. And you experience nearly the same emotional roller coaster as they do until it’s all over.
3. On the upside of being so intricately intertwined emotionally, your partner’s accomplishments truly feel like your own. Which means that celebrating their biggest achievements is just as awesome for you as it is for them.
4. You have so many ESP moments as a couple, they’re not even interesting anymore. You’re in each other’s heads and it’s weird and cool but it’s no longer news to either of you.
5. You speak in half sentences because you’re so good at intuiting your partner’s thoughts that you don’t have to say much to get your point across. Outsiders assume you’re a couple of chronic interrupters, or that you both suffer from serious ADD. Luckily, you’re not in the habit of caring too much about what people outside the cocoon of your relationship think.
6. Telling anyone other than your significant other a story seems tedious and borderline unnecessary because it’s so much easier to talk to your partner, who just gets it and requires very little background information, saving you time, energy, and several precious ounces of saliva. Do you really need more than one friend and confidante, you sometimes wonder. If you can tell one person everything, what are all the others for?
7. You have a vast collection of terms of endearment and pet names, many of which are derivatives of past pet names, none of which sound cute or lovely to anyone but you guys (something like “Moopy,” derived from “My Schmoopy,” or Farticus, from the original “Sir Farts A Lot”).
8. You also speak in customized phrases that make no sense to anyone but you guys to express various emotions and/or refer to specific household matters. For instance, you might say, “lick my dingleberries” in place of “fuck off.” Or, “I’m going to poo on your face if you don’t fold that laundry before it gets wrinkly.”
9. You have so many inside jokes that you crack up regularly together at seemingly random moments, confusing all surrounding strangers. And you’d rather look like weirdos than interrupt the two-person fun to explain why you’re both laughing so hard.
10. When asked “What are you up to?” you instinctively answer “We…” Unless you’re speaking to one of your single friends and you’re paranoid about offending them so you mindfully use the first person to avoid sounding obnoxiously couple centric. But you end up sounding oddly inauthentic because you’re not a professional actor and you can’t fake the independently functioning human thing very convincingly.
11. When you’re apart from your significant other for any stretch of time (even a typical day at the office), you actually feel kind of incomplete.
12. Reuniting with your boyfriend or girlfriend after an especially long day is a relief, mostly because you get to feel whole again.
13. Even when you’re sick and tired of your boyfriend or girlfriend and you want nothing less than to do or say anything to them, separating temporarily doesn’t seem like an acceptable solution. You’d rather just do different things in close proximity without actually interacting for a while.
14. You agree so wholeheartedly about so many divisive issues that you tend to forget there are people with other opinions and perspectives out there. So when someone disagrees with you at a group dinner or challenges your stance during a work meeting, the dissent is way more startling than it should be.
15. You accidentally dress really similarly sometimes but since the inadvertent twinsie thing’s been happening for a while, you don’t even bother documenting the phenomenon anymore.
16. Since you’re not insecure about the strength of your bond, you’re not that interested in hiding from the reality that things aren’t always rosy. So when you fight, you fight passionately, like two escapees from the local insane asylum. You become your ugliest, nastiest, most immature, name-calling selves because you know in your hearts that the bad weather will blow over eventually. It’s almost always just an isolated t-storm.
17. It’s so obvious to you that you’re going to be with your partner long-term that you can shrug off studies and/or comments from friends centering the difficulty of marriage and monogamy. It might seem like you’re mad numb or utterly deluded, but you know you’ll manage, even if staying together means flying, Kamikaze style, straight in the face of reason.
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