1. “I was in the middle of sex when one of my exes decided to announce she wanted to break up.
“That was the most awkward ever. It’s like she decided to find the most demeaning time possible to break it.”
2. “I got beat up by two brothers and thrown in a water puddle while my GF was looking. She then went home with one of them.”
3. “I was literally friendzoned. Like she actually said, ‘I’m friendzoning this.’ Well, fuck me sideways, right?”
4. “Dated for five years, mostly long distance. He broke up with me the day before I got a job offer in the city he was moving to after graduation. We now live near each other.”
5. “I planned a surprise hot-air balloon ride for our one-year anniversary. On our drive there she said she was getting back together with her ex. That was a long fuckin’ 90 minutes in a basket with her. I ended up getting hammered on champagne and barfed on the balloon operator’s khakis.”
6. “[She had] her new boyfriend pick her up without letting me know that we’ve broken up.”
7. “Facebook messenger on my birthday, which was also prom night.”
8. “Facebook chat on April Fool’s Day at 11am while I was at my job. Also, it was a workday where I had to do several long interviews with severely depressed patients. I thought he was joking. He was not joking. I cried under my desk in between patients. April Fool’s Day is forever ruined.”
9. “He had his mom break up with me for him. Oh, high school.”
10. “We’d been together for 2.5 years, I had just bought a condo that we had planned on moving into & starting a family in.
“Out of nowhere I come home to a letter on my pillow and a bag of things I’d left at her place. The letter said that it was over, but not why it was over. I tried calling her up but she had blocked my number. So had her best friend & parents.
“Almost 3 years later & I still have absolutely no idea what happened or why she left. And I still can’t really afford the condo all by myself.”
11. “Back in ’94 I went to Burning Man with my gf at the time. Long story short, I packed it in early (3am) one night and when I woke up, she was gonesville. Apparently she’d met some dude the night before and ended up going home to Portland with him. Never saw her again. Only know the whole story because one of her friends took pity on me and told me what’d happened.”
12. “She told me ‘I know you can’t help it, but it really bothers me that you’re not American. Like, if we got married and had kids, they wouldn’t be ‘normal’ kids, you know?’
“English is my first language, and I’ve lived in America since I was a toddler. My bad, bitch.”
13. “Halfway through a handjob…
“on my birthday.”
14. “Check out this progression of events. This is how my first boyfriend broke up with me.
“Older guy dates younger girl who just so happens to be a virgin
“Guy pressures girl for sex constantly
“Girl says no
“Guy dumps girl
“Girl stupidly takes guy back a week later
“Guy proceeds to get girl drunk and pretty much forcibly take her virginity in a sleazy motel
“Guy dumps girl for being ‘whiny and bad in bed’ and leaves her at the motel without a ride
“Girl, with no other option, is forced to call her parents for a ride
“I was 15 and he was 19. Yes, it was rape.”
15. “It was Valentine’s Day, I ordered food from the best restaurant in town, and I got her a box of chocolates and some flowers. I set up the dinner on a table in my small dorm room with a candle (she had social anxiety and didn’t like going out). I got a text from her that she wanted us to break up so she can be with her long-distance ex-girlfriend.”
16. “She packed all of her things and left with our 1-year-old while I was at work without any warning, and I have never seen either of them since.”
17. “Went on shift at the fire station. Came home to an empty house 48 hours later…no clue. Didn’t even have a chance to sit down and talk things through. The worst time of my life.”
18. “I caught her orally engaging another dude. She spit it in my face. We were in high school and she was about as impulsive and selfish as they come.”
19. “answer phone”
“Will you go out with nameofgirl?”
“…I’m going out with you…”
“Oh yeah you’re dumped, will you go out with her?”
“…Yeah, I guess.”
“being 13 was weird”
20. “Dated a very religious girl. One day she told me she couldn’t love both God and me.”
21. “My wife of 10 years announced her infidelity with a co-worker and our divorce 2 days before Christmas last year. Then decided to clean out the house on Christmas Eve a day later.
“I came home to a sad, empty house on Christmas Eve, she even took our dinner to share with her newfound love and because everywhere else was closed. I ate beans from a can and made a cheese sandwich.”
22. “I was in the hospital getting a liver transplant. While in the 8-1/2 hour surgery, my wife of 13 years left.”
23. “An hour after I had the surgery to remove our miscarried child. He did it through text.”
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